nut hugger
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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