I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
