It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize