lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i've created a new STD.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
