Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
