i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
