There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
