doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
