Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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