thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
