Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
