ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got inside last night via doggy door
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
