Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
