Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
