woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
