I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
