I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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