he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
