will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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