I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
