from now on my penis is your penis
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
