Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
