Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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