I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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