The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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