i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize