she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
