I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
