instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
