I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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