and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
