My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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