last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
