dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
