East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My vagina is officially offended.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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