she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
