kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
