What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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