community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
someone owes me an orgasm
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
