i would punch a child for taco bell
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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