STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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