You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
