you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize