hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
