no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
