and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
