***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I want her autograph on my taint
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
