he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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