just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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