just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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