Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
