i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
