the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
