why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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