my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
