is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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