You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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