Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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